Why Does Everyone in Lagos Feel Like They Are Behind?

Living in Lagos can sometimes feel like being in a race you never agreed to enter. Someone you went to school with just bought a car. Another person has moved into a better apartment. Someone else is getting married, travelling abroad, launching a business or announcing a major promotion on social media. Before you know it, you start wondering, “What am I doing with my life?”

The strange thing is that many Lagosians are actually making progress. They are working, learning new skills, paying bills, supporting family members and trying to build something for themselves. Yet, despite all that effort, there is often a persistent feeling that they should be further ahead. Lagos has a way of making ordinary progress feel insufficient.

Part of the problem is the city's fast pace. Everything seems to be moving quickly. Businesses are expanding, people are changing jobs, new apartments are appearing and young people are constantly looking for the next opportunity. There is always another person doing something bigger, earning more or living differently. When you are surrounded by constant movement, standing still for a moment can feel like failure.

Social media makes this feeling even worse. You can open Instagram or TikTok and see someone your age celebrating a new house, travelling to another country or announcing a six-figure monthly income. What you rarely see is the debt, family support, years of failed attempts or help they received along the way. You end up comparing your everyday reality with someone else's carefully selected highlights.

There is also the reality of Lagos itself. The cost of living can make your income feel smaller than it actually is. Rent, transportation, food, data, electricity and family responsibilities can consume a large part of what you earn. Someone earning a reasonable salary may still feel financially stuck because there is barely enough left to save, invest or pursue bigger plans.

For many people, there is another layer: family and societal expectations. By a certain age, you are expected to have a good job. Then comes marriage, a house, a car, children and financial stability. Even when nobody says these things directly, you can feel the pressure around you. Every birthday can begin to feel like an assessment of everything you have not yet achieved.

The problem with constantly measuring your life against other people is that you rarely have the full picture. Two people can be the same age and have completely different starting points, responsibilities, opportunities and struggles. One person's achievement does not automatically mean another person's life is failing. Your friend buying a house does not make your rented apartment a failure.

Sometimes, you are not behind. You are simply building at a different pace.

Maybe your current season is about clearing debt. Maybe you are learning a new skill after years in a career that no longer fits you. Maybe you are supporting your family while trying to build your own future. Maybe you are starting again after a failed business or losing a job. These things may not look impressive on social media, but they are still part of progress.

Lagos will probably continue to move quickly. There will always be someone younger, richer, faster or seemingly more successful. If you allow that comparison to determine your sense of progress, you may spend your entire life feeling late. A better question is not, “Why am I not where they are?” but, “Am I moving in the direction I want my life to go?”

You do not have to win Lagos's race. You just need to know which race is actually yours.